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This is the prayer of the week.

And all i really want to say about it.

because i can to a realisation this week. 

Love Is The Simplest Form Of Self Destruction <//3

Aug. 13th, 2008

Well it has been a while, hasn't it?

Once again my life is going wonderfull, and i am falling for someone so unexpected... its hard to beleive. (no not my second first date)

He was always someone who i was told by my ex "hated me", well it turns out he never did but my ex told him i "hated him". 

he randomly sent me a message on myspace, just to make nice after three years of the "feud", we have been talking and seeing eachother everyday. and now i am sitting here missing him.....

i also have one of my best freinds back in my life, baby and all.. Destiny is beatiful and smiles when someone says my name.

i have also been taking photos of cemetarys again, something i have always loved and let my ex take away from me. 


Check them out <33

Second First Date <3

a www ok. i have been talking to this guy for a little while and read our conversation, and no we never had a first date:: but this must be the sweetest way i have ever been asked out <333 bill is such a sweetie. (this is just a part of the convo there was more after))

me (3:14:11 AM): god already buggin you about my lifes problems, lol
him (3:14:55 AM): no problem. lol
me (3:15:27 AM): normally i wait for the second date, lol. jk.
him (3:15:53 AM): when was the first? was i asleep again? lol
me (3:16:23 AM): yeah you slept right through it. where are ur manners?
him (3:16:34 AM): asleep
him(3:16:50 AM): was it fun
me (3:17:29 AM): yep.
me (3:17:41 AM): but i wont tell you about it, because that is what u get
him (3:18:18 AM): maybe we can go on a second first date sometime. i promise not to fall asleep
me(3:18:39 AM): i would like that. just dont fall asleep.
him(3:19:04 AM): i promise. so where did i take you?
me (3:19:46 AM): to the movies
him(3:19:55 AM): what did we see?
me(3:20:05 AM): hmmmm..... the new batman movie
me (3:20:17 AM): but i mised most of it because u were snoring
him (3:21:11 AM): well thats why i feel asleep. and im sorry 4 making u miss so much of it. but since you missed it the first time it will be more enjoyable the second time
me(3:21:33 AM): well i hope


 Today was a lovely day for a walk, so I went walking around St. Mary's Cemetary.

My Life List :: <33

There Are So Many Things To Do In This Life, So Here Is My List of Things To Do Before I Die

1. Go Skydiving
2. Join a bowling league
3. date someone from another country
4. spend a day on a farm
5. go horseback riding
6. take a ride in a hot air ballon
7. go to times square
8. take a train ride
9. white water rafting
9. go to las vegas
10. play a slot machine at Moheagan, and win.
11. spend the night in a hotel
12. take a vacation
13. go on a cruise (dosn't count towards #12)
14. get a good picture of me
15. fall in love
16. go on a honeymoon
17. run a mile for the hell of it
18. get a good collection of my cematary photos
19. frame Waldo's grave
20. kareokee (however the hell you spell that........)
21. get my ged
22. get my pharmacy licence
23. get a mortorcycle licence
24. get my boat licence
25. go jet sking
26. date someone wrong for me
27. date someone good for me
28. write a book
29. have something published
30. get my own apartment
31. buy new furniture (you would have had to live on ur own to understand this one)
32. go to montanna
33. go to georgia
34. makeout in a drive-in
35. feel what its like without gravity
36. go to another concert
37. have someone paint my toes
38. own enough books to fill a room
39. play 4 square again
40. go to a baseball game
41. explore a cave
42. go scuba diving
43. go fishing
44. learn another laungue (at least conversationally) 
45. (private thought, lol) with someone who speaks another laungue
46. get surprised
47. laugh at my own expense
48. learn to forgive
49. get better at spelling
50. love myself <3333333333


Well Today <333

 Well today was the first good day I have had in a long time....

I quit my job once again. Once again, was a no call no show. So hopefully that works out. I know it iresponsible of me but I am not afraid of the bills, I am afraid of going back there. So if even in the long run this bites me in the ass, hard. Its ok. Because even a two day break sounds nice.

Well Conners and I hung out for a while which is always nice. My car overheated, but it was ok... I don't know why, but it was....

We met up with Vanessa and her sister, we drove up to the lake. We all jumped in, in our clothes, lol. It was a blast but swimimg in jeans takes alot of skill, but its ok I have it.

Then Conners had to ditch and we went to Wallie World. 

I love Vanessa <3333 Haha, I see that going over well because she is a lesbian but she has a crush on a GUY for the first time so its kinda exciting... So I guess she is bi...... If I ever dated a girl, it would so be her lol... 

Lets see what else.........

Oh yeah I am going to a party Saturday. Beer pong and everything. 

Conners and Me will be sober together <3333

Hopefully I will meet a couple of guys there, who knows. I have been thinking I wouldn't mind another realtionship. Nothing serious just kinda dip my foot back in the water.......But who knows.

All I know today was a perfect day even if everything did go wrong.

My Favorite Poem <33

Conceive me as a dream of stone:
my breast, where mortals come to grief,

is made to prompt all poets' love,
mute and noble as matter itself.

With snow for flesh, with ice for heart,
I sit on high, an unguessed sphinx
begrudging acts that alter forms;
I never laugh, I never weep.

In studious awe the poets brood
before my monumental pose
aped from the proudest pedestal,
and to bind these docile lovers fast
I freeze the world in a perfect mirror:

The timeless light of my wide eyes.

Charles Baudelaire

Love Is Never Easy </3

 Why can't we choose who we fall in love with?

Why can't it be a choice? An after though?

Why can't we choose to one who makes us smile, or laugh? The new person who walks into your life, the one you want to be intrested in, the one you want to picture yourself with. But what happens when you are thinking about this new person and you turn around and your heart falls for the one who has always been there. 

The one you can't have, even if he wanted you.

THe one you know wouldn't be worth the cost, the one that would change your life forever, in nothing but a brief flash.

It is another one of my "Seconds the Change Your Life".

The Second I Turned Around and Saw Him <3. The Second I Asked For Heartbrake <//3.

My Mama told me love should always be welcomed, she couldn't have been more wrong.

Retrospect <33

 Has there ever been one instant, a breif flash of time, that changed everything in your world?

I reaslised that today. The most devestating changes in my life were brought upon in a spilt second, that at the time may not have seemed like much, but in retrospect changed my world.

I always figured changes, the ones that really mattered, happen over time. Blooming and growing into something good or vile. But life has proved to me once again not all is as I thought. 

Life Can Be nothing but a riddle, without an answer.

Here 8 Seconds That Changed My Life Forever....

1. He left Rustica.
      everything changed between us after that, I knew in that instant we were over forever
2. I told Josh I knew how to do cakes
      later it gave me a new job that I loved, while I had it, and a new sense of pride in myself
3. I stopped and had a conversation with a stranger, Conners     
I don't know what I would do with out her, she is one of my dearest freinds, like an older sister to me <333
4. I walked out the door
    she tried t kill herself after I left
5. I decided to go with her to the doctors
    i found out the truth
6. I cried.
     people realised I wasnt made up of snow and ice, only numb
7. I told him everything about how I felt (and feel depending on the day).
     he told me the truth and it was simply beautiful
8. I turned left. 
     it was a four way i turned left instead of going straight like I had planned to and a truck driver hitting about 80 blew through the stop sign and went straight,  he almost hit the end of my car as i was turning, but if i had gone straight he would have hit me and it would have been fatal.

What are your eight seconds??